Trampolines

Note to reader: this is not technically story. A friend’s daughter recently turned 15 and I wanted to get her something. I thought about what I would have wanted at that age. Makeup? Jewelry? Money? No, what I would have wanted was to know that I wouldn’t be 15 forever and that things would get better. With that in mind, I wrote my 15 year-old self a letter and gave it to her as her present. She has given me permission to publish it. Thanks, J.

Also, I will be writing shorter pieces like this, but they will be for mailing list subscribers only. If you are interested in receiving these occasional bonus works, please subscribe to the blog at the end of this post.

On to the writing!

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The author, age 15

Hey girl! It’s about to be the summer of 1988, the first Jane’s Addiction album is about to come out, you’re 15, and you look fabulous, if I do say so myself. I know, I know, you think you’re too tall and your hair isn’t right, but trust me when I say that you will always look back on any younger version of yourself with envy. Oh, to be 40 again. Seriously. I know, stop looking at me like that. 

You’ll be pleased to know that we grow up to be pretty awesome. There’s a lot I can’t fill you in on, because chaos theory or whatever, but I thought I would at least tell you a few things about life that I really wish I had known at your age. 

First, and this may seem random, but please jump on trampolines as often as possible. You love to do it and one day, it will come with complications. OK, if you really want to know, I will tell you: through no fault of your own, it will make you tinkle yourself a little bit, as will sneezing and laughing really hard. I know, this is a bummer, but get it all in while you can. You have a good 25 or so years left to double bounce people. 

Second, and this is so important, high school is not forever. It is a finite life experience and will end. I know you hate it, but one day it will be behind you and you will never have to go back, no matter how many nightmares you have about that Algebra II class. Also, you will probably never see most of the people from that building after you leave. You will stay in touch with some (maybe more because of Facebook or whatever social media platform comes next), but you will go on to make new friends and may not miss your high school friends that much. 

This is not to say you shouldn’t enjoy your time there. You absolutely should. Just know that the people who are “more popular” than you are or who are “prettier” than you are just as insecure as you are and the social hierarchy that you find yourself in for those 4 years will cease to exist as soon as you get your diploma. This is all to say, have fun, but try not to take it all too seriously. We have a horrible habit of doing that.  But fuck that dude who asked us to prom and then said he forgot he asked another girl to prom. I mean, for real. 

Third, please know that you are so much more powerful than you will ever know. You are a 15 year old girl, but also a woman who is capable of creating human life. With your body! This is a great power. Yes, it sounds hokey (stop rolling your eyes), but the world will try to make you doubt your power your whole life by having you focus instead on measuring up to their arbitrary standards. That is because the world is mostly run by men and some of them will never get over the fact that you have this power. They will treat you like a girl long after you are a full grown woman. You can’t change what they think, but you can change what you think. 

Now, I’m not saying to go out and get pregnant. You know we don’t want that yet (or maybe ever), but what I am saying is that you are like a baby dragon breathing fire. Powerful, yet delicate and also potentially dangerous. Be careful not to burn yourself or anyone else.  Be careful who you let close to you. Trust your gut around everyone, male or female. One day you will grow up to be a truly majestic creature with full control over your power, but everything is a little wobbly right now and that’s OK.  

In fact, always trust your gut, even if it feels silly.  Maybe you have a bad feeling about someone or maybe you don’t want to go to that party. Maybe you just don’t want to watch a movie everyone else is watching. Anything that makes your tummy feel funny is worth listening to and anyone who has a problem with you taking care of yourself is probably not going to be a very good friend. Good friends understand that you have to stay true to yourself and will accept you setting boundaries with them. 

Finally, while I can’t tell you the details, know that everything is coming to you. It seems impossible from your vantage point, but it really is. You will  hear so many new favorite songs, discover favorite bands, and read your favorite book for the very first time. Actually, you will read a lot of favorite books. You will have a lot of first kisses. I won’t lie, first kisses are the best. I envy you those kisses. Whew, child. 

The whole world is waiting. You will fall in love, you will have your heart broken, you will know incredible joy, you will experience unbelievable pain. You may get married, you may not. You may go to college or you might travel the world. You might learn to speak another language or be a famous singer. The possibilities are in front of you and are endless. The big picture is so hard to see from where you are, but if you look up at the sky at night, like I know you do, know that there are as many opportunities for you as there are stars.  

And look, I know you want all of this to happen right now and that you are eager to start your life and be an adult and make adult decisions and have your independence, but please enjoy your youth while you can. There will be so much time for bills and responsibilities later.

There are going to be so many versions of us and each of us will want to tell the younger one something we have learned. Each one will be more confident than the last and each will be perfect in her own way. If you hear nothing else I say to you, please hear this: you will never be as perfect as you are right now, the very minute you are reading this. This doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes or have regrets. Of course, you will, you’re human. But you are just where you are supposed to be at this moment and you are loved. And god damn it, I hope you are jumping on a fucking trampoline.